Stream of consciousness blogging, Take 1

I am going to write this blog as much as possible without stopping.  I’m trying to unclog my brain, and let things flow a little bit easier, and sometimes the easiest way to do that is to create only one restriction, the lack of restrictions and the requirement to continue without going back and editing.

I almost went back and edited that, but I stopped myself and forced myself to continue onwards to new content and the things I’m eventually going to say.  The first thing that really comes to mind right now is coffee.  This morning my pack of coffee was empty, so I had a coffeeless morning.  That’s okay, I didn’t die, I wasn’t sleepy, I wasn’t upset, I just didn’t have coffee.  I happen to really enjoy my morning coffee, I’ve turned it into a ritual.  I love opening the pack and getting hit with that instantaneous blast of aroma that quickly dissipates.  That first moment of smelling the coffee is intense, intensely good.  I think coffee appeals to me because it has a wonderful aroma, there are many varieties and complexities and it has zero calories in its basic form.  That means it doesn’t add sugar to my Paleo-esque diet.

The second thing I want to talk about is chocolate.  I just had a bite of chocolate, maybe as a result of not having my morning coffee (well I did have a cup of instant coffee when I got to work, but the problem with instant coffee is it lacks the fantastic aroma of the stuff brewed from ground beans).  I had a bite of chocolate that I don’t really like because I wanted chocolate and it was available.  I only enjoy dark chocolate, and my favorite usually falls in the range of 60-90% cacao.  Less than that and I’m probably not going to enjoy it, more than that and anyone who says they’re enjoying it are probably lying.  Maybe not, but probably.

So coffee and chocolate.  That’s the morning I had today.  I suppose I could mention what I’ve done, it wasn’t an entirely unproductive morning.  I woke up and made breakfast and talked with my fiancee about our wedding plans and music and other things before going to work on foot with umbrella in hand to prepare for the coming rain (which came… and hasn’t left yet).

I got to work and read the news and checked the various sites that cover topics I’m interested in like Linux and Open Source.  I fiddled around a bit before I finally started my kanji study, finished that, and planned my pre-school visit this afternoon.  I’m a little bit nervous about that as I never know how it’s going to go, it’s not a routine visit for me, more of a once a year kind of teaser for the kids as to what they’ll be experiencing more of when they get to elementary school.  In elementary school here I visit each class from 1st to 4th grade roughly once a month and teach them some vocabulary, English greetings, basic communication skills, but nothing of any particular importance.

I don’t really have a great feeling about my job here, since I teach at five schools and see the kids too little to learn most of their names or see them progress.  I think this job is much better suited to the 1-3 year term that most people spend on it.  The few like me that stay for the maximum 5 years either truly love their job and life, or something in their life outweighs the heavy downsides of the job.  I’m definitely on the latter side of that divide, but there’s more than one thing about my life that I love here.  My relationship with my fiancee is a given, but beyond that the geography here is fantastic with mountains and rivers and waterfalls galore, plenty of places for the likes of me to explore.

I think my real problem is that what I’ve discovered that I want to do, teach yoga while standing on my head, and write books while teaching yoga while standing on my head, is totally unrelated to the work that I’m doing right now.  I have motivation to work on things that I don’t really have the time to work on, and I have the time to work on things that I have almost no motivation to work on.  It’s a bit of a problem, and I’m wondering if a solution or at least a work-around will make itself evident.

I’m definitely interested in spending some time preparing materials for my successor, but I’m guessing as much as I want to write, I probably shouldn’t.  It will take a degree of reservation in writing neutrally without inserting too much personal opinion and commentary.

There are a lot of good things coming up soon and a lot of uncertainty as well, and I think that is one of the reasons I’m feeling a bit weird.  Japanese staff changes happen at the end of March and beginning of April, and there are a few people who are certainly changing out of my office, and a few more that are almost certainly changing out of my office, and I have little to no idea who will be changing into the office in their places.

The staff changes can be a good thing, but they can also be a bad thing.  Most of the time I haven’t really recognized either way until several months after the change occurred.

I’m really drowsy now.  I’m going to publish this.

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Filed under musing, personal, whining

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